


Haunt You Via The Rear View Mirror

by FascinationStreet



Series: 3 Times Klaus Put His Mouth To A Better Use [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Car Sex, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Public Blow Jobs, Snark, they're assholes to each other idk what else to tell you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-18 01:33:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18110540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FascinationStreet/pseuds/FascinationStreet
Summary: Patience is an old friend of Diego’s. Ever since he’d left the mansion and started creeping around in his domino and black leather patience has been a necessary skill. It’s something he’s cultivated and is proud of. Klaus, of course, has no respect for this and finds a way around Diego’s iron will and self control with great ease.





	Haunt You Via The Rear View Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> Hello I return from not writing anything for like 9 months to a new fandom. i maintain that Klaus Hargreeves was written for me to love, thank you for my life Netflix.
> 
> As per my good and powerful wife Rae is a terrible enabler in all ways and can be blamed for the inception of this fic/series.
> 
> The fic is in 3 parts but I decided to post them all separately for ur reading pleasure so pls enjoy xo

Diego had, over the years, somehow completely forgotten how infuriating Klaus can be, and his tolerance for his bullshit has completely disappeared. It’s a shame, he thinks. He put so much work into building up his resistance. 

He has no idea how someone can talk so much and say so little, or how Klaus isn’t sick of the sound of his own voice. 

By the time he parks up at the edge of the river his jaw aches from clenching it in an effort not to completely lose his shit with Klaus. Fuck, he’s annoying.

Patience is an old friend of Diego’s. Ever since he’d left the mansion and started creeping around in his domino and black leather patience has been a necessary skill. It’s something he’s cultivated and is proud of. Klaus, of course, has no respect for this and finds a way around Diego’s iron will and self control with great ease. 

They all know Klaus’ power is summoning the dead, but Diego doesn’t think anyone would be surprised that he also had the power to sense weakness and how to exploit it for his own gain. If anything they’re probably lucky that Klaus’ own gain is either entertainment value or drugs. 

The conversation about what to have for breakfast with his imaginary friend that never seems to end is the last straw. 

“For God’s sake Klaus, shut the fuck up would you? You’d think by now you’d have found something better to do with your mouth than talking shit all the time.” His voice is sharp in the silence of Klaus being cut off mid-rant. 

The silence lingers, and Diego’s hands relax from where they had been gripping the wheel for dear life to stop him from life punching Klaus or to stop himself reaching for a knife from his bandolier to puncture his own eardrums. Both would bring blessed relief. 

He expects some kind of response, a return volley to Diego’s serve, but gets nothing. It’s not like him to miss out on a chance to be an asshole. 

Then Klaus, with all the grace that God and their dear departed father gifted him, which is to say none at all, attempts to throw himself into the front seat of the car. Diego closes his eyes in exasperation and he turns away. Spoke too soon. 

It’s probably a good thing that Klaus had never put his seat belt on, because Diego doubts he would have stopped to unbuckle it first. Maybe he would have choked himself out with it and then Diego wouldn’t have had to listen to whatever Klaus is about to say. It’s wishful thinking on Diego’s part. 

Diego’s grip on the steering wheel renews and he fixes his gaze on the lights on the other side of the river while he waits for Klaus to extricate himself from between the seats. He manages it eventually, and flops against the door looking extremely ruffled and proud of himself. Diego raises an eyebrow at him. Klaus grins, sharp and languid, in response. The smile spreads across his face like pouring honey. 

“Oh but I have, brother mine, how else do you think I keep myself in the manner to which I’ve become accustomed?” Klaus’ voice is syrupy smooth, eyes wild and sparkling from whatever he’d taken before he left the mansion, or maybe just with the sheer joy of being an asshole. It’s impossible to tell with him. 

“Surely you must know it’s the only way to get drugs when you’ve run out of shit to pawn. I’m pretty good at it by now.” 

Diego has seen some shit, like some really really bad shit since he took up vigilantism as a hobby, but it still takes him a second to connect the dots. When he does he feels his eyebrows shoot halfway up his forehead, somehow surprised and yet not at all. It feels like an appropriate reaction to have to anything that Klaus says. 

“Yeah?” He might have lost his tolerance for Klaus, and he will admit that he’d been caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. He’s always been quick on his feet. 

“You can’t be that good at it if you still run your mouth that much. It must get tiring to never stop fucking talking.” He stresses each of the last words, dragging them out for as long as he can. 

Klaus’ eyes light up, and it’s a look that he grew to dread as a child and could never forget, no matter how long it’s been since he’s seen it. Klaus has found a challenge, and he has accepted it. All in his path beware. 

Klaus pulls himself up from his boneless sprawl against the door, moving like a snake or a puma on the prowl. He inches forward and lays a hand on Diego’s thigh, warm through the fabric of his pants. 

“Oh you think so?” He practically purrs, still slightly dreamy but with no sign of his usual slurring. “It was always like you to doubt me, Diego.” 

He smiles as he leans over and places his another hand on Diego’s thighs, creeping upwards towards his belt. 

“Obviously I’m going to have to dispel you of such negativity.” 

Diego watches him, refusing to be spooked as easily as Klaus seems to think he is. He can roll with this until Klaus tires of his game, patience hasn’t completely cut all ties with him yet. 

Klaus’ hands reach his flies, and he palms Diego’s cock. It’s soft, he’s not a freak and he’s certainly not giving into him that easily. He raises his eyebrows again, unimpressed, and somehow Klaus’ smile gets even wider. Diego has no idea why he’s playing along, or why he’s encouraging Klaus, but then again he’s always been an idiot. Growing up in a house with four other boys gave him a terrible competitive streak that he’s never been able to get under control. 

“Can’t get it up for a boy, huh? Don’t worry, I’ve worked with less.” Klaus smiles sweetly, undoing Diego’s pants and pulling them open to get at him. 

Diego is only a part-time employee at the business of being honest with himself, and has built up a considerable habit of denial to boot. As it so happens, this is one of those days where the factory doors are shut and no honesty is allowed, so he allows Klaus to continue and will under no circumstances admit that the sight of him hovering around Diego’s crotch is doing anything for him. 

It’s been a hard few days, he can’t be blamed for reacting to the idea of a warm and willing mouth, of a much-needed release of tension, surely? Whatever his justifications, he doesn’t try to stop Klaus. 

He’s half waiting for Klaus to pull away, like a game of gay chicken that becomes boring once the other person isn’t grossed out by it, and half curious to see if he’s actually going to go through with it. He’s not sure which one he wants to happen. 

Klaus has apparently only grown more persistent since the last time they’d seen him, or he really is committed to the joke because he doesn’t stop. He pulls out Diego’s dick and looks up through his eyelashes, fingers curled loosely around the base. 

Diego watches him, unmoving and extremely patient for someone with his slowly filling dick in his brother’s hand, as Klaus looks away from him, into the backseat of the car. 

“Then go away,” he hisses, and Diego frowns. 

“Excuse me?” He feels like he’s missing something, but Klaus just smiles beautifically back up at him. 

“Not you,” he says, before he leans forward and licks a long stripe from where his fingers are holding Diego’s cock to the crown. He lets it go. Now is definitely not the time for questioning Klaus’ eccentricities. 

Diego lets his head fall back against the headrest as he feels Klaus take his dick into his mouth properly, sucking lightly at the head and mouthing further down the shaft. Diego isn’t even halfway hard yet, his dick interested but not fully convinced it was about to get any action, but he’s getting there quickly. 

The heat of Klaus’ mouth feels so good, and he throws out the hand not still gripping the steering wheel to clutch at the headrest of the passenger seat. He’s just letting Klaus work through whatever is going through his head, he tells himself. He’s not an active participant, so under no circumstances is he going to touch him, or encourage him any further. 

Klaus apparently wasn’t lying when he said he was good at it, coaxing Diego to full hardness with both his hand and mouth. He shouldn’t be thinking about where he learned to suck a dick, whether it was for pleasure or just to fund his habit, and he tries to focus on the plush velvet heat of Klaus’ tongue. It doesn’t work as well as he’d hoped, and the image of Klaus on his knees in a dirty alley with some asshole’s dick in his mouth makes him clench the seat harder in anger. The thought also makes his blood heat in a way that he will absolutely not be examining closer. 

Diego grunts as Klaus slides his lips further down his dick, lips meeting his fingers and sucking hard. As good as it feels, and it feels fucking good, Diego is still determined to somehow win this encounter. How exactly he comes out of this as the victor he doesn’t know, but he’s going to make Klaus work for it, and he forces his hips to keep still no matter how much he wants to fuck up into Klaus’ mouth. 

His control holds until Klaus pulls off with a pop to catch his breath and then sucks hard on a spot just under the head of his dick. His hips twitch despite his best efforts to remain still and the leather of his glove creaks against the wheel, his eyes squeeze shut. He breathes out heavily through his nose. 

If the way to win was to seem unaffected or not to get off on it then he’s well on his way to losing. The closer he gets, though, the less he cares. 

The familiar warmth in his stomach starts to grow and Klaus takes him into his mouth again, slow and sweet and warm, so good and just what he needs to get off. 

It won’t take him long just like this. 

Then a burst of static fills the car and bursts whatever bubble had surrounded them, blocking out everything except the pleasure glowing golden and hot inside his belly. 

Diego’s eyes snap open, momentarily stunned until he sees the police radio sitting on the dashboard. Klaus hasn’t stopped sucking and he can’t focus through the haze of how good it feels, so Diego reaches down and fists his hand in Klaus’ curls to pull him off. Klaus actually groans in disappointment, trailing off when Diego shakes him by the hair and shoots him a look. 

Once Diego processes the message from the radio, shots fired at Griddy’s, he pulls Klaus upright with the grip in his hair and tucks himself away. He suppresses a grimace at the disappointment of not getting off and having to will his erection away by sheer stubbornness. It’s not impossible to fight crime with a boner, but it’s not his idea of a good time either. 

Diego ignores Klaus primly wiping away the spit that had gathered in the corners of his mouth and on his chin, looking proud of himself again. 

“Well?” He asks, smug. 

“I’ll drop you off at the bus station. I gotta get back to work.” Diego turns over the engine, turns to look behind him as he reverses. Klaus huffs a laugh. 

“Not what I meant, Diego.” 

Even without actually getting off, Klaus easily makes it into his top 10. He’s not sure if that says more for Klaus’ skills or the potential lack of skills of his other partners, but it is what it is. 

Diego catches his eyes as he turns back towards the windscreen. He waits for a beat, face expressionless. 

“I’ve had better.” 

Klaus laughs again, more of an expulsion of air than anything else. 

“Yeah, right.” 

Diego doesn’t respond.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to hit me up on twitter i have a twit for this account (@fascinationstrt) but i hardly ever use it. my main is @alm0stmedieval tho, come scream at me


End file.
